The internet is flooded with unintentional works of literature. From tweets to memes to corporate ad copy, every piece of online writing possesses at least some small amount of literary value. Occasionally, you stumble upon a piece of random internet content that’s so good you almost want to print it out and put it on your bookshelf.
At one point, I collected a folder of unexpected works of literature—a sort of literary “found art” collection. One of my favorite pieces in the collection is this GoFundMe post by Haley Dahl, the lead singer of the band Sloppy Jane. The post is from a few years ago and, as of this writing, is still up on GoFundMe. So, the post still serves a practical, functional purpose. But aside from that, it’s possible to look at this post purely as a work of literature. And as a work of literature, it’s pretty great:
I WILL EAT MY FAVORITE SUIT FOR 20K
Howdy
I'm Haley Dahl, bandleader of NY/LA band "Sloppy Jane".
In the fall of 2017, I was heartbroken- over not one particular occurrence, but over everything at once. I struggled with expressing this, because it felt really typically girly to cry about my feelings in a way that I couldn't consolidate with my perception of myself.
One morning, I was having an emotional discussion about this heartbreak with an involved party, and I became so overwhelmed with the need to cry in public, but still couldn't really let it loose for these reasons. All of a sudden, I looked up and saw an oversized black suit hanging from an iron gate. I threw down my bags and put it on, and finally, I cried, knowing that I looked like a stylish Operatic Man, rather than a young woman covered in snot, I knew that my tears were the tears of a grown man, which made them uncomfortable to witness. I made a declaration:
"I'm going to wear this suit until it rots off my body."
I wore this suit for one calendar year to the date, every day, without washing it. I wore it to every show we played, I wore it to sleep, I wore it in the 20-some caves I visited while beginning to work on my bands next record (which is being recorded, in a cave).
I had to retire it before it rotted off my body, because a literal medical professional told me I had to stop wearing it for health reasons.
I still have the suit and have been trying to figure out how to properly send it off, and for 20K, I will eat it in it's entirety. (only caveat is I might burn it and eat its ashes).
If I receive 20k, I will post a video of myself eating the suit and the aftermath of eating the suit (still unwashed and partially rotting), in November 2019, following the recording of my cave record, which will be recorded in October.
I love you
Haley Dahl
Peter Clarke is the editor-in-chief of Jokes Review. He’s the author of the comic novels Politicians Are Superheroes and The Singularity Survival Guide. Follow him on Twitter @HeyPeterClarke.